Growth.

Hello there, it’s me again and I hope you had a nice Saturday as I did. By the way yesterday, the 2nd of April 2021 was my one-year anniversary of making art every day. I don’t really celebrate stuff and I’m not gonna start today, I feel like my life has just now begun because this is the biggest accomplishment of my life so far, and I know you might say, what about graduating college? Yes, that’s an accomplishment, but I don’t really see it as a big deal mainly because I was expected to, but when you say I made something creative every day for a year and still going when nobody expected you to then that to me is an accomplishment. I don’t really pat myself on the back when I do things that people consider to be “big” and maybe just maybe that’s my problem. The sad thing about doing something like this especially if you’re expecting big results like financial gain or popularity is when that doesn’t happen then you start doubting yourself on whether you’re doing the right thing or not. I’m human and sometimes those thoughts hit me, but I always remind myself why I even started doing it in the first place. The reason is, before I wasn’t doing this, I felt like a cog in the wheel of society, I felt like I was just gonna end up like yet another sad statistic, but now I feel like I own something, for the first time in my life I feel like I own something, I’m not really good with feelings but this one feels really good. If someone asked me what I was about, I won’t just be like “I work here, I went to school here, I hope my boss promotes me, blah blah blah.’ But I’ll add onto all that with “hey look I made this like this is mine, this never existed before me and I just didn’t do it as a portfolio, or perfection,  or any of that “artsy” things, I made this because it gave me hope in life, it kept me sane, it made me feel like I wasn’t a stranger to myself because I can read and see what I wrote and drew respectively, “ that’s one of the greatest feelings in the world. I hope someday someone gets inspired to do what I do because it’s worth it. One of the things I also realized after doing this is, I never saw my growth happening at the moment, I only saw it once I looked back, and I feel like that’s the life you never see your growth happening, you can always look back to see your progress, it’s like a tree, if you plant a tree and keep coming every day to see its progress you’ll never see it but if you plant it and come back later after a few months or years then you’ll see the progress. The same mentality I apply with the art (writings included) I make, I just planted my tree and it’s in the process of growing right now, in ten years when I look back, then I’ll be able to see how tall my tree has grown.