A Planner.
Art : The Lamp.
By Sakuan.
The inconvenience thing about being a planner.
It’s sometimes hard to try things and see what comes of them. Sometimes I envy those people who can sit calm and live life as it goes, no plans, no ambitions, no worries, how comforting that must be.
I don’t drink or smoke I guess that’s a perk of being who I am, a planner for lack of a better word. Let me expound before I engage in something I have to think about it thoroughly, all the good and the bad that may come with it, in the end, I end up making a decision based off my assumptions, of course sometimes the decision is helpful and sometimes it’s stupid or naïve, but I can’t take anything back because I am where I’m at, ALIVE, because of the choices I felt to be right, and what’s better than the gift of LIFE itself.
I planned my life, for the most part, but there’s one thing about that too, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows.
The one thing is: you can’t control everything that happens in your life and that’s where stoicism comes in. Quick example, you can plan to have a run when you wake up in the morning, but when morning strikes you peep out the windows and there’s heavy rain, unsuitable for any sort of activities. Will you go outside and curse at the skies, will you curse at yourself for not going on the run sooner, will you curse at yourself for made-up reasons you come up with, or will you accept it for what it is and do something else productive with your morning?
A lot of us think they’d opt for the latter, the reality is, that happens less than we would like, we curse ourselves for things that are out of our control, don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are in our control, but my point is what’s the point of dwelling if it’s already done, I ask myself that all the time I start dwelling. I think I’m a strong-minded individual but I break too sometimes and curse myself for things that are out of my control and then I cope with that feeling by doing what I’m doing right now, I write about it. When I do that I tend, more times than not, come back to my senses and keep on pushing for I know what I’m doing saved my LIFE literally and it’s worth it to me. The hard part of it all is convincing other people that my work might be worth it to them too and they should give me a chance, but that’s something I can’t control. What I can control is creating and that’s partly why I still do it, despite of the close to none eyes that my work gets.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder, why is everything in life about suffering, from the moment we are brought into this world while giving birth our mothers suffer, they go through pain to bring us into this world, teenage girls who hit puberty start having their periods and for some of them it’s an uncomfortable experience and that’s part of LIFE, their lives. We have emotional suffering when someone we love passes away and that too is inevitable, so far all the examples I gave are inevitable for the majority of humans. Then there’s the career thing and the known fact is that just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful or deserve to be successful in what you do as there are other people out there who work as hard as you or even harder than you who are gunning for the same spot you’re aiming for.
Why does everything good in a sense have to come from suffering, to get to the rose you have to go through thorns, why does that always have to be the case, at least that’s what it feels like for the majority of human beings. It feels like we’ve all agreed that to be the reality of things to a point where we have prominent people saying, “Nothing easy is worth having.” Is that a true statement? By the way our society is structured and built that statement hits the nail on the head and I don’t know whether to feel sad about it or just roll with the punches, the latter seems to be the way to go.
For you to know where your life is headed you need to have a plan, it’s a few people who happen to live day to day without a plan and stay fulfilled or successful. For you to know what you want to accomplish in life you have to know what it is that you love doing, and once you find it you need a plan on how you are going to accomplish that thing. A lot of people don’t get to find out what they love or what brings them fulfillment until later in life, there are forty-year-olds out there who are still trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, fifty year-olds, sixty-year-olds out there who regret wasting their youth on a job they didn’t like. Sometimes it’s panic that leads people to make decisions blindly. Let me give an example, you just turned thirty, you know what you love doing but on the same note you’re a woman and what that means is, at this point in life you have about five years or less, at least for the majority of women to decide if you want a family or not, for the ability to have children in most women starts getting harder and harder at thirty-five. Panicking in a moment like this is most certainly inevitable for a lot of women, men have the luxury to focus on other things for they can have children later in life. The panic might lead the woman to make certain harsh choices, like forcing a relationship with someone they don’t love, they might accept to live through an abusive boyfriend or husband just so they can give them a family, such a sad reality we exist in.
Currently reading [The Good Lord Bird. by James McBride]
