A Feeling.
Art : HIM.
By Sakuan.
“There she was laying down, she couldn’t even lift a finger. I had to wear a mask every time I went to see her, this made me sad. It felt like I was treating her like an animal, like a thing, like a virus, I didn’t like the feeling. Today I went to scavenge some food, I didn’t find much, I got a box of granular bars that I found in a store that was looted to the brim, I was lucky.
She didn’t have the strength to eat what I brought her, I had to feed her, I didn’t like that feeling either. I’m starting to get sick myself, my head bangs but I have to be strong for her, at least I still have some strength to walk unlike her. I know I’m sick because of her, her disease can be transmitted through air, and I can’t tell her because she’ll feel bad, she’ll feel guilty that she’s the reason I got sick and that wouldn’t help anything. Of course, I’ll eventually tell her but that’s a story for another day.
She’s been laying down for two days, she tries her best to isolate herself from me, little does she know I’m already sick so that doesn’t really matter. I was lucky to get a bottle of medicine the other day, but I’m afraid to take it, I’m afraid to fall asleep and not take guard throughout the night, but for me to feel better I have to take it, I gave her some and she’s passed out already, maybe when she feels better she can return the favor and take care of me while I heal.
. . .
It was all in my head again, I told her about my sickness and she was fine with it, she didn’t blame herself for it, that makes me happy. It kind of came out of my mouth as I was feeding her, I just told her how I’ve been getting headaches too, and she was supportive, she advised me to take the medicines with her, she didn’t dwell on the fact that the disease came from her, she wasn’t guilty of it and that makes me wonder about life, how we decide for other people, how we have a perception of other people already crafted in our head. I not only got headaches from the disease but also headaches from thinking too much, thoughts which turned out to be useless considering her reaction to my news. The stress really kicked my ass thinking how much she was hurting and how unfair it was. There’s a crazy thing that still bugs me about life, I’m not religious, at least I thought I wasn’t. For whatever reason, every time something bad happens in my life, something that I think is unfair I tend to blame him, GOD. Does that mean I’m religious in my core? Does that mean he’s only my scapegoat when I can’t explain whatever’s happening in my life?”
Currently reading [World War Z by Max Brooks]
