A mind full of thoughts.
Art : WhY ArE ThEy LoOkInG aT uS.
By Sakuan.
A mind.
A mind full of thoughts, thoughts that sometimes feels like a stranger’s, thoughts that get me in trouble, thoughts that might offend others let alone me, thoughts that would deem me a bad person, thoughts that betray me at times, thoughts that make me do things that make others sad, these thoughts are mine but they’re not me, of course some of these thoughts help make who I am but they don’t define me. At least that’s what I think.
Am I my thoughts or are my thoughts just something I can’t help but have, what do you think? Personally, I don’t think you are your thoughts, you only become your thoughts when you act on them. Your brain is powerful, and as science states the average human brain has about sixty to seventy thousand thoughts per day and about eighty percent of these thoughts were negative. So how can I be my thoughts?
Case in point;
You’re homeless and struggling to get food, thousands of thoughts might run through your brain of whether to steal some food from a store near you, as justified as that might seem to you, it is wrong, and these thoughts don’t make you a thief, you’ll only become a thief if you act upon these thoughts. This is just but one example, this notion applies in a lot of other scenarios as well.
I used to think a lot when I was younger to the point where I used to have headaches. The thoughts were brutal, especially for a young teenage boy, but I fought through them as best as I could and I came out of the other side a healthy man and that’s comforting, to say the least. To this day I still have similar thoughts that I had when I was a teenager from time to time, but now I know how to handle them with care and in a way that they can’t affect me mentally or physically as they did back then. When I have these thoughts, I don’t get headaches anymore, I don’t wander around and feel worthless anymore, I don’t convince myself I am a useless being with no goals or ambition in life. I found a way to counter all that and I feel so lucky about that because there are people out there who get stuck in their thoughts and can’t find a way out of them. I found what I loved doing and every day that passes without me drawing or writing I get reminded of the place I was when I didn’t draw or write and that place was literal hell and I don’t want to be there anymore, I guess that’s one of the things that keeps me hopeful and going.
Why I write.
Of course, there are several reasons why I write. One of them being, I decided I would start putting all these thoughts I had on paper (both writing and drawing) and that’s going fairly well so far, I’m never short of something to write, all I need is a topic on anything and words just come out flying. Our brains are the most fascinating things in the world, they’re powerful, without them you’re dead, they decide the type of person you are, they help you in ways nobody else can, they get you addicted to both things and people. They help you live a life full of joy and laughter, and on the other side of the coin, they can also do the opposite if you’re not careful with it.
Hurt.
A mind can hurt, both you and others. Thoughts of death may linger longer than they need to, and that hurts in a different manner.
The Curse.
Not knowing, one of the biggest cursed that could befall a soul; Not knowing if you should believe in God or not, not knowing what happens when you die, not knowing if you’ve done enough good to earn you a straight ticket to heaven, not knowing if your hard work will pay in the end. What if in the end, we find out that Hinduism was right? What if Islam was right? What if the Christians were right? What if the pagans were right? What if, what if, see that, not knowing can drive you crazy, it drives me crazy sometimes, to the point where my head is filled with worry and wonder, I get lost in these thoughts at times, they hurt, they pierce the heart, and only the owner of these thoughts can understand the pain. The curse of not knowing. What if one of your parents doesn’t make it through chemo? Not knowing. What if you get on one knee and she doesn’t say yes? Not knowing, what if your kid turns out to be a murderer? Not knowing, what if, what if, the list of such things isn’t short whatsoever, it goes on and will for eons.
These thoughts burn like hell, these thoughts are hell, now what are you going to do about it, some of us panic and overreact, some of us lay back and take life slowly as it comes, some of us turn to drugs, some of us avoid every uncomfortable situation as they can because they can’t handle the anxiety properly, for some of us it hurts so much that we see no reason to keep on existing. Such a sad reality we are emersed into, our reality, earth's reality.
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.
Currently reading [The Good Lord Bird. by James McBride]
