Lonely Thoughts.
Art : Golden Beauty.
By Sakuan.
Think about this, by the way, this is just a random thought. I’m single, so some mornings I experience such thoughts.
Sometimes you wake up and you’re alone in your bed, no morning cuddles, you’re cold and you wish you had somebody next to you. Sometimes I wake up and can’t even imagine being in a relationship, I feel like I’m perfectly fine being single, it’s confusing. I’ve been alone for so long, not single… ALONE, I’ve been alone for so long that being in a relationship isn’t a reality in my head just yet. If I’ve learned something about situations like these, it’s that it’s never the right time, you’ll keep waiting… sometimes forever, this concept has always been intuitive to me. I know this because since I was young, I never understood the new year resolution thing, this is when some people would vow to start bettering their lives on the first of January, that doesn’t really make sense to me. When I feel like doing something I just do it, I don’t wait for the “right time” to start because more times than enough there’s never a right time. If you like someone you tell them you like them, if you love someone you tell them, there’s no right time to tell someone you appreciate them, maybe that’s a flaw of mine but it has kept me from trouble more times than it has landed me in trouble. I always said what I felt, I used to spout my feelings openly to anybody when I was young, I still do the same but since I’ve learned a lot I choose my battles wisely and as best as I can, I try my best to always speak the truth.
I always wonder, when a guy approaches a girl and he wants to ask her out, obviously they both know what’s going on, the girl knows what the boy is trying to do and the boy knows what he’s doing, and yet they’ll flirt and hit around the bushes, I never get that, why not just tell them, “Hey, I like you and I would like to know more about you over dinner, lunch, or breakfast.”
I think there are two sides as to why people beat around the bush, one is fear and the other is care.
Fear of rejection, fear of hurting someone else’s feelings, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of compromising your lifestyle for other people, fear of being around other people, fear of the possibility of not being happy, fear of death, fear of love, fear of life itself, fear of not fitting in, fear of not knowing what will happen if you don’t beat around the bush, fear of fear itself.
Sometimes you beat around the bush because you care, you don’t want to hurt their feelings, you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, you don’t want to waste their time, you don’t want to waste your time, you want them to feel like they’re worth it, you want them to feel like you’re worth it. Some people might say why not just say no if you don’t like them and let them go their way. Well, there are people out there who are incapable of that, there are people who couldn’t even hurt a fly let alone crush a heart, they don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s heartbreak. To this day I still have so much respect for people who give chances to people they don’t know, someone they’ve never met, the fact that you agree to meet them alone at night for dinner is crazy to me, maybe, just maybe I should stop being paranoid and give that a chance.
Hurting feelings, why is that a bad thing and why is it a good thing in certain situations. If laws were to be made based on feelings then there would be a grey area because feelings are subjective and it’s all dependent on where you come from, who raised you, the people you hang around with, and who you decide to be. It’s weird and self-evident that a lot of virtues are dependent on where you come from, at least most of the time. Look at the geography of where you come from and see their belief, a lot of the time they share a lot of beliefs and morals, and fair enough that makes sense, at least in my eyes it does. I’ve watched and experienced violence firsthand between two sides of different beliefs. It’s a weird thing because to me it was self-evident that you can’t come out of nowhere and tell a group of people what they’ve known and believed their whole life is the wrong thing. A good example is, let’s say you’re a Christian and this is how you were raised, this is what you believed and practiced your whole life, and a Muslim comes to you and tries to convert you, or vice versa, chances are, you’re not going to accept it because you can’t just flip what you’ve known for years, what you’ve believed for years, what you’ve breathed in for years, what you’ve trusted for years, in a five-minute conversation. To some extent, even the five-minute talk doesn’t make sense if the other group isn’t open-minded, and that’s SAD.
Let’s say someone changes what they believe in. When people change their minds. What happens to people when they have a change in heart. They’ve seen reasoning in something they didn’t see before. Some get the go-ahead from pain, love, hate, ambition, jealousy, determination, hard work, hope, just to mention a few. In some cases, it’s a good thing and in some cases, it’s a bad thing. Changing your mind on something can do a lot, it can save a life and it can also take a life, maybe I’m overthinking it. Procrastination is a form of changing one’s mind, you’re set to do something and somehow you convince yourself not to do that thing, you always tell yourself you have time. I believe there’s a difference between procrastinating and pushing something forward, when you push something forward that means that something came up that prevented you from doing what you had planned. On the other hand, procrastination is not doing something you had planned because you don’t feel like doing it. I’m still trying to understand fully why people have a change in heart, what is that gut feeling that makes a bank robber to pull out of the heist at the last minute because “it doesn’t feel right”. Sometimes changing one’s mind comes with regret, regret is something I should talk about because it’s a weird thing to me and I think I should expand on it somehow.
Regret is such a weird thing if you think about it. You feel bad about things you did or didn’t do in the past, it really doesn’t make sense that much, right now you might make a decision that you think is good for you, later on, you realize you made the wrong choice and you start wishing you had picked the other option. If that’s the reason for your regret then I don’t think it’s worth it dwelling on it, even though the choices you made didn’t turn out to be what you wanted them to, is it really your fault? yes and no because you never know what could’ve happened if you chose the other thing, shoulda, coulda, woulda, I try not to dwell. I know this is a weird topic to even think about and I don’t know how to explain it that well. The only thing is, before you make a decision, any decision for that matter, you need to really think deep about it and make the best decision possible that you can manage so that in the future you don’t have that much regret if it comes to that. I’ll give you my example, when I’m mad or irritated with someone I don’t sit there and argue with them, I used to do that when I was younger, and all that did was hurt the other person’s feelings and/or my feelings. So when I’m mad at someone I avoid the argument and go out for a walk, most of the time this annoys the other person a lot because for some reason as human beings we’d rather sit and argue about something when we are in the heat of the moment than walk away and come back later when we are settled and calm. Me leaving annoys them but I do it for my own good because I tend to beat myself up a lot about things that I can’t really control. Walking out saves both of our feelings. When I come back, I’m more relaxed and now I can say what I feel, and it’s more rational because I’m not blinded by rage.
